chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
