If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Is it penis luge time yet?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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