I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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