grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
