Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
