What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Come back. Shots need mouths.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
