We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
