before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
