But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
a search helicopter?!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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