This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
