I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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