She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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