Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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