There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
