dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
