My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
