I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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