I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
