this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
