he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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