ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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