its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
