gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
