Sry I called you an 8
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
