this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Someone signed my nipple.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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