maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
