i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
