Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
