im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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