You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
