Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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