I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
How's work?
Spinning.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
