So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
