Do you still have your period?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
