she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
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Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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