alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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