i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
