Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
