ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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