I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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