my room smells like sperm. sweet.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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