omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
