nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
