you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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