my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
