fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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