Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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