I just saw a hot homeless man
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
