mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
