I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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