Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
