his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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