my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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