My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
