just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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