I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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