I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
