i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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