I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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