There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
