Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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