The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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