its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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