where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
3pm strippers are depressing
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
