awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
