did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
