she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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