Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
