Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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