I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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