God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
